My tearful life

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I have so much to say but I don't know where to start I don't know if I should get straight to the point or should have an introduction.

Heaven look at me, my heart is bleeding non-stop, my eyes are crying endless tears, and pain is torturing me day in day out. I take long hours to wash my face just so I can build a smile with my towel, even though I sometimes fail. I sit around all day dong nothing while my peers are trying to make life easier, I sit around all day while schools are filled with students, my life is a mess, 25 years down the line and still no clear direction to where my life is leading to, 25 years of struggle and I feel like am not getting out of it.

Heaven shine upon my bleeding heart and tearful eyes, shine upon the torture of pain and let it be transformed into joy. Most of all shine upon my goals and that I may live a life I want to live with guidance from God. Let the changes in my life be due to me not anyone else, let me make my own choices let me choose my own path and career, let my voice speak for me not anyone else.

I look at my past, I don’t see my finger prints anywhere, but I see people telling me what and what not to do, really, is this their life or mine? I look back again, I try to see what I have achieved, and I see nothing, why? Because all the days of my life I have always put people’s happiness in front of mine.

There is nothing in life that I hate than regretting, but I have seem to have put my life on regretting, but when I look carefully, I realise it was all my fault, I am the reason who let everything bad and into my life and now I wish I could turn back time, I wish this was all a dream.

Reality is, I am leaving a life but not mine, it’s like I’m a that’s being controlled with a remote, if I die today, there is nothing that I say, I have done and I’m proud of, I am a mess, so is my life.

Neo Lawrence